Archive for the 'VEED' Category
Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
Dawn of Death: The Apex of Shamelessness
Partly for intellectual/political reasons and partly because I grew up on the habit, I still watch some television. Last night, I nearly choked on my frozen yogurt when I saw this especially stunning mind-rape come on:
Now, I’m no greenhorn when it comes to the mega-chutzpah that goes into the planning and production of corporate marketing campaigns, which, with the possible exception of organized monotheism, are far and away the most carefully considered and lavishly funded form of dishonesty in human history.
But this just takes the fucking cake, here, folks.
What is the point of de-oiling animals after they have been exposed to petroleum leaks? The Procter and Gamble (Dawn is a P & G brand) ad above would have you believe that it is a simple rescue mission that yields lovely, happy-bunny outcomes. Wash the oil off the feathers or fur, and the critter goes home just fine and dandy. Maybe even cleaner and better!
Let’s leave aside the obvious question of going home to what — the same ecosystem in which they just got oiled, the one to which they were born and are adapted?
At the level of the animal itself, petroleum-soaked feathers or fur, serious as it is, is only the secondary problem. The primary problem is oral ingestion or dermal absorption of oil. Swallowing or soaking in petroleum is a catastrophe to the organism:
The impact on bird eggs and bird and animal babies is worse.
P & G HQ
So, what is the above advertisement for Dawn dish soap? It is a knowing lie, designed to get people to pay a premium for Procter and Gamble’s heavily advertised brand of liquid soap. As all marketing planners know, “a sure-fire way to get consumers to pay more for our products even in these difficult times is to make some ‘green’ claims.”
In reality, then, the above ad is nothing more and nothing less than this: the use of the gargantuan, heart-rending, only-just-begun biological destruction from the Deepwater Horizon blowout as a photo-op for raking in more profits for P & G shareholders, all while sowing Satanic disinformation about the very reality troubling the very victims of the scam.
And, of course, it gets worse. Serious studies of bird survival after petroleum exposure show that “rescuing” birds ranges from being somewhat helpful to being utterly futile and inhumane.
And guess which organization is working to sell the rosiest possible view? That’s right: The International Bird Rescue Research Center, the very group to which P & G sends money as part of this marketing scheme.
The very group whose executive director writes letters of praise to P & G.
The very group that says this on its FAQ page:
Q: What do you use to wash birds?
A: We use “Dawn” dish washing liquid. IBRRC has conducted research on most of the commonly available cleaning agents and “Dawn” meets all the criteria we have established for appropriate cleaning agents. Those criteria are the ability to remove most oils, effectiveness at low concentrations, non-irritating to the skin and eyes, rapid removal from feathers (rinsing), and is easily accessible. Procter and Gamble now donates all “Dawn” detergent to IBRRC and other rehabilitation organizations.
The very group that answers another key FAQ thus:
Q: What is your survival rate?
A: The survival rate will differ with each oil spill because of all the factors that effect it. Some of those factors are the toxicity of the oil, how rapidly the birds are collected and stabilized, what condition the bird was in before it was oiled, and the species involved. We have had release rates as high as 100% and as low as 25% in the early years. We now average about 50% to 80%. Again, it depends on many variables and cannot be predicted.
Did you catch that liar’s shift? What is your survival rate? We won’t say, but here are some statistics about our RELEASE rate.
In other words, the IBRRC is a Procter and Gamble front, a mere pimp for P & G’s “cherished strategy of introducing increasingly sophisticated — and increasingly costly — household staples.”
By the way, a regular 24.0z bottle of Dawn liquid dishwashing detergent presently sells for $5.49, or 22.9 cents per ounce on drugstore.com. I guarantee you that the dollar stores my grandmother frequents sell an indistinguishable product for one dollar.
I can only quote, once again, from the late Robert L. Heilbroner:
At a business forum, I was once brash enough to say that I thought the main cultural impact of television advertising was to teach children that grown-ups told lies for money. How strong, deep, or sustaining can be the values of a civilization that generates a ceaseless flow of half-truths and careful deceptions?
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
Orwell Would be Unpublished Now
I swear, the most skilled dystopian novelist couldn’t make this stuff up:
Beverly Hills, Calif., Jan 17, 2010 – Nominees, presenters and performers arriving to “The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards” will have an opportunity to help raise money for Haitian relief efforts with a simple signature. Positioned at the entrance of the Beverly Hilton Hotel is President and Chief Executive Officer for the Chrysler Brand, Chrysler Group LLC, Olivier Francois’ personal car, a Chrysler 300C. Francois donated his vehicle so that attendees to the ceremony could place their signature upon the sedan which could then be donated for auction to specifically raise money for Haiti relief efforts.
“Looking at the devastation this catastrophe has caused to an already impoverished country,there is no doubt that we have a social responsibility to assist in any way that we can. This will not be the only funding we will provide to this country on behalf of the Chrysler Brand and Chrysler Group LLC, there is more to come.”said Olivier Francois, President and Chief Executive Office – Chrysler Brand, Chrysler Group LLC. “We are pleased to join hands with Hollywood to offer this gesture as part of the relief efforts toward Haiti. And, to my colleague, Dodge Brand President and Chief Executive Officer, who is of Haitian-descent, and to all Haitian-Americans with family in Haiti, our thoughts are with you.”
The Chrysler 300C that will be donated for auction is expected to raise approximately 1 million dollars.
Chrysler Joins Stars for a Cause to Auction Chrysler 300 “eco style” Edition Vehicles
The Chrysler brand, together with Dick Clark Productions, has also partnered with Stars for a Cause to donate six eco-friendly accessorized vehicles that will be auctioned off to select celebrity charities.
Nominee Meryl Streep, presenters Christina Aguilera, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks and Felicity Huffman and actor Colin Firth will arrive to the Golden Globes in their select Chrysler 300 eco style limited edition vehicle, which will be donated and auctioned to the charity of their choice.
Based off of the Chrysler 300C, the most-awarded vehicle in the industry, the eco style edition vehicles are accessorized with eco-friendly materials such as cork, bamboo, recycled jute carpeting and suede seat inserts and feature refurbished wheels while providing high-end luxury and elegant design. The vehicles feature a refined interior, premium technology and offer fuel-efficient performance and excitement.
Each of the celebrities will arrive to the awards in their select vehicles:
* Presenter Christina Aguilera’s Chrysler 300 eco style vehicle features a water-based Vanilla exterior color. On the inside are cactus-colored seat-inserts with bamboo applique placed on the door trim and center console
* Presenter Leonardo DiCaprio’s vehicle has Cream exterior and Aqua-blue seat inserts, a hydrographic water-themed applique is subtly placed throughout the interior
* Actor Colin Firth’s vehicle features a stately and sleek Black exterior color with Black Bamboo interior accents
* Presenter Tom Hanks will arrive to the awards in an elegant Black Chrysler 300 eco style edition vehicle with Curry seat-inserts and organic appliques
* Presenter Felicity Huffman will arrive in a Dark Cordovan vehicle with a stained Cordovan cork interior color
* Nominee Meryl Streep’s vehicle features a Platinum exterior and on the interior are Cumin-colored seat-inserts along with natural mat and cork materials
Recycled materials are used within the interior of the vehicle. Recycled ultra-suede seat inserts are used for the front and rear-passenger seats and are soft to the touch and durable. Hydrographics patterns are used to place organic themes on the center console and door trim of the interior compartment. Water-based paints are used on the exterior of the vehicle.
And here’s the kicker:
Under the hood is the 5.7-liter HEMI® engine with Muliti-displacement System (MDS). MDS seamlessly alternates between smooth high-fuel-economy four-cylinder mode when less power is needed and V-8 mode when more power is needed. MDS optimizes fuel economy without sacrificing vehicle performance.
If you know anything about physics, you know that a 5.7-liter engine is a huge motor. If you know that, then you won’t be surprised by the EPA mileage rating of this “eco-style” engine: 15 city/23 highway!
This is the “new” stuff that’s being peddled, after Obama’s automotive bailout, after the arrival of supposedly better European managers…
And, of course, don’t you just want to weep with gratitude at the sacrifices that were made all around for the people of Haiti? As part of being honored from churning out yet another year of unwatchable pablum about cops and robbers and saints in surgical garb, the attendees at one of the multiple versions of the Hollywood Employee of the Year Banquet “raised” perhaps 1/10th of what was spent on the “awards ceremony” — “for Haiti.” All, of course, while pimping for Chrysler’s deranged ecocidal waste-pushing.
Saturday, October 10th, 2009
Nobel Committee Shits Itself Again
Pakistan or Bust
=)) :-&
Now that the laughter and projectile vomiting have subsided: what he said.
Dr. King is spinning in his grave…
Dr. Kissinger is smiling…
Friday, September 11th, 2009
Not Joking: The Face of the “New” GM
Fresh off its public bailout, the General Motors Corporation is about to launch a massive marketing campaign titled “May the Best Car Win.” The intent of the campaign is to show prospective buyers how new and different the post-bailout GM will be. The spokesperson “face” of this coming blitzkrieg? I shit you not:
ROFLMAO
Script: “They tell me the young whipper-snappers are none too happy with our latest batch of horseless carriages…Well, by gum, this’ll learn ‘em…”
Saturday, July 18th, 2009
Cars, Cell Phones & The (Sponsored) Culture of Narcissism
Raymond Williams called it “mobile privatization.”
I think of it as “life behind screens,” or “bubble life.”
It — experiencing life predominantly through video screens, work sconces, and automobile glass — is not just part-and-parcel of corporate capitalism, but perhaps its #1 intention and requirement vis-a-vis the organization of the lives of the masses.
The latest bubble life news confirms, in spades, that the private automobile may be, as Plan C author Pat Murphy posits, “the greatest creator of alienation between humans that has ever existed.”
To wit, some excellent reportage from a July 18 New York Times story:
Extensive research shows the dangers of distracted driving. Studies say that drivers using phones are four times as likely to cause a crash as other drivers, and the likelihood that they will crash is equal to that of someone with a .08 percent blood alcohol level, the point at which drivers are generally considered intoxicated. Research also shows that hands-free devices do not eliminate the risks, and may worsen them by suggesting that the behavior is safe.
A 2003 Harvard study estimated that cellphone distractions caused 2,600 traffic deaths every year, and 330,000 accidents that result in moderate or severe injuries.
Yet Americans have largely ignored that research. Instead, they increasingly use phones, navigation devices and even laptops to turn their cars into mobile offices, chat rooms and entertainment centers, making roads more dangerous.
A disconnect between perception and reality worsens the problem. New studies show that drivers overestimate their own ability to safely multitask, even as they worry about the dangers of others doing it.
I’ll let the excellent CARtoonist Andy Singer have the last “word” on this totally unsurprising phenomenon:
Thursday, June 18th, 2009
Official Face of the Overclass
Hi! I'm 85!
This, my friends, is 85-year-old Gloria Vanderbilt! Gloria is, of course, not just mommy to the journalistic cipher Anderson Cooper, but also the never-laboring heiress-socialite great granddaughter of railroad robber baron Cornelius Vanderbilt, one of the fine figures who helped ensure that rail transport in the USA would be privately owned and widely despised, rather than publicly provided and widely beloved.
I hereby nominate Gloria as the official 21st-century cover-girl for our corporate overclass. She’s just absolutely perfect! Way decrepit and long past any pretense to vigor, she epitomizes the de rigueur look of our times: The dyed, implanted fake hair. The scramble for each and every possible plastic-surgical denial of reality. The vapid self-satisfaction and outdated posings in the face of blatant irrelevance and onrushing death.
Sublime, isn’t it?
And Lady Glo isn’t just the perfect looker. She even seems to be channeling and verbalizing the core thoughts of her social class-mates, young and old alike: “I’m determined to be the best I can be for as long as I can, and when I’m not, I have my plans.”
Well, bravo, hmm, hmm! How true-to-life can one possibly be, hmm, hmm?
One catches the general principle at work (and I use that word “work” ironically) here. It’s a slight adaptation of old Corny’s classic admission about class power and the (non-)rule of law: Reality? What care I about reality? Hain’t I got the money?
