Archive for the 'Assholes' Category

Monday, August 11th, 2014

Judy Woodruff

Judy+Woodruff+2011+Winter+TCA+Tour+Day+5+dtRss3Tk5vdl What a personage. TCT happened to see her show tonight during her usual phony “concerned” bipartisan posing. While asking some goon about the continuing death of journalism, she asked “How will this affect consumers of news?”

Consumers of news.” Nuff (or Ruff) said. Stay tuned for Antiques Road Show, voiceover provided by “intellectual” actor Paul Giamatti.

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Posted by Michael Dawson | Filed in Assholes, Bad Products | 1 Comment »

 

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

Adieu, Robert Zimmerman

The latest, and very arguably the most heinous, violator of the Hicks Dictum*:

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*Here’s the deal folks: you do a commercial, you’re off the artistic roll call forever. End of story, OK? You’re another corporate fucking shill, you’re another whore at the capitalist gang-bang. And if you do a commercial, there’s a price on your head, everything you say is suspect, and every word that comes out of your mouth is now like a turd falling into my drink.

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Posted by Michael Dawson | Filed in Assholes, Bad Products | 13 Comments »

 

Thursday, October 31st, 2013

I 522

If you saw CounterPunch today, you might have noticed this piece about anti-GMO [note that, as usual, they dutifully restrain from calling themselves "anti-corporate food"] activists’ efforts in Washington State to strike a small blow against capitalist Frankenfood. Residing in Portland, Oregon, the urban core to which Washington’s fourth largest town is a [tax-dodging, Republican-leaning] suburb, I have had the displeasure of watching corporate capital’s 3-month-long response to W.S. Initiative 522, a meager little ballot measure that would, in accord with almost unanimous public desire, require grocery-store foods containing GMOs to be labeled as such.

Here’s a sample from the compendium of utter shamelessness that is the appalling and revealing “No on 522″ effort:

Good ole Dan looks like a humble organic farmer, don’t he, what with the blue work shirt and the vaguely ex-hippie haircut and beard?

Dan’s ad is titled “Claims v. Facts.” That carries the usual amount of overclass chutzpah — total, all-out, complete.

Dan’s friends’ claim is that I 522 would raise food prices, and that the proposed rule is unfair, since it carries some exemptions! Of course, the threatened price hike is what? A penny? And the irony of opposing a labeling law from the right because it is too weak would slay Big Brother himself.

As to facts, turns out Dan is actually a corporate farm “operator” (think Dan does much of “his” farm labor?) in Eastern Washington, and also a scion of long-time farm-operator politics.

As for the hilarious pack of right-wing businesses Dan cites as scholars who’ve allegedly thought deeply and dispassionately about I 522, take a special look at the “science” organization Dan cites in his ad. Any group started in 1932 (in what was then known as the Soviet of Washington) that is dedicated to disseminating “credible economic research and policy analysis supporting economic vitality and private sector job creation” simply has to have a rather interesting little closetful of juicy, forgotten secrets. And how about that science? “Credible research.” ROFLMFAO.

As always, the corporate TV assault is working. 66-21 a month ago (and a month ago was already well into the corporate “No on 522″ onslaught) is now 46-42.

TCT, of course, predicts defeat of I 522, while holding out some hope for a small miracle. The election ends November 5.

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Friday, June 21st, 2013

Voyage of the Meager

It ain’t just rockers. Dig this further news from the Cannes Crapfest:

Known for its splashy show intros, Saatchi & Saatchi’s New Directors Showcase at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity on Thursday opened on a curiously heady note. Famed evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins took the stage to give a lecture, of sorts, on the subject of memes, which he introduced in his 1976 book “The Selfish Gene.” He spoke on how the transmission of ideas and cultural norms evolve in a way similar to natural selection, and how memes as we know them today are creative, intentional mutations.

First of all, Dawkins is even wronger about the topic of meme transmission than he is about the purported “selfishness” of deoxyrobinucleic acid — and that’s saying something. Darwin would never stop vomiting if he were to come back and realize such silliness is being chalked up to him.

And how did dear Richard become a Saatchi shill?

Wired.co.uk: How did you get involved in the New Directors Showcase?

Richard Dawkins: I was approached by Saatchi & Saatchi, who had this idea of centring the event around the theme of memes, so they asked if I would get involved and I was rather pleased with the idea.

Check out our rock star pseudoscientist rehearsing his presentation with his Saatchi handlers:

Dawkins_06_2

Tell us, Dick: How many works of real science are rehearsed for sponsors? Here’s a meme for you:

turd

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Posted by Michael Dawson | Filed in Assholes, Bad Products, Hall of Shame | 9 Comments »

 

Thursday, June 20th, 2013

Talk on the Mild Side

reed The latest greedfreak to take a dive onto the sword that is the Hicks Dictum* is none other than Lou Reed, he of the supposed avant garde. According to Advertising Age, visiting on tape at the Cannes crapfest with “Tim Mellors, vice chairman and chief creative officer at Grey Group,” Reed said this:

“Ad people play fair with you. A is A, B is B, C is C.”

Reed is apparently feeling poor these days, whining about not getting enough royalties in the “world of downloading.”

That a human being with pretensions to thought and social conscience could have run through the amount of money Reed has devoured and then turn around and say such howling, sycophantic garbage is yet another notable Orwellian aspect of our late capitalist epoch. Hey, babe, genuinely amazing.

*The words of the late Bill Hicks: “Do a commercial, you’re off the artistic roll call. Every word you say is suspect. You’re a corporate whore and eh, end of story.”

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Posted by Michael Dawson | Filed in Assholes, Hall of Shame | 7 Comments »

 

Friday, February 22nd, 2013

Prepare to Vomit

emp Are you an American woman? Yes? Then your main problem in life must be the comparative difficulty of being appointed CEO of a major corporation. So obvious.

And how do you solve this problem? Well, you work harder!

Such is the “feminist” pose about to be launched by the utterly vile creature known as Sheryl Sandberg, whom we TCTers have met before. She is the scionette of a Florida eye-surgery empire who converted her inherited advantages talent and labor into a career as a leading data-scraping executive within the corporate marketing juggernaut.

According to The New York Times, Sandberg is about to unleash her solipsistic “project,” which will apparently be called “Lean In.” The idea is that she will be coaching those who join on how to do what she did. That, of course, was to work hard! [Of course!] And now, all her greatness and effort is becoming a social movement!

“I always thought I would run a social movement,” Ms. Sandberg, 43, said in an interview.

Holy pancakes, Batman, these fuckers are way more gonzo than you can even imagine. Orwell is flat out of a job.

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Posted by Michael Dawson | Filed in Assholes, Bad Products | 11 Comments »