Ann Druyan Gets Her Hicksie

Ann Druyan, widow and proprietor of the estate of Carl Sagan, is the newest recipient of the much-uncoveted Golden Hicksie Award, which TCT distributes to dishonor especially egregious sell-outs.

Sagan, of course, remains one of the most famous and forceful expositors of scientific worry over our social order’s continuing destruction of its own ecological basis.

Which makes it especially galling that his life-partner and executor is now licensing his image and words to sell Jeeps.

Druyan seems to have been wooed into this disgusting pratfall by the perhaps debonnair and certainly oh-so-French chief of marketing at Fiat-Chrysler Automobiles, le monsieur Olivier Francois.

Here is how Druyan described her Hicksie-worthy blunder to Automotive Age:

“He said, Annie, we built you a car. And I was so flattered and delighted,” says Druyan, a longtime writer and producer and founder and CEO of Cosmos Studios, a maker of science-based entertainment.

The “car for her” in question is, of course, an available “electric” option on your new Jeep!

This unexamined, brazenly unscientific (yet heavily sponsored) presumption — that “electric” automobiles are somehow meaningfully better for Earth than small gasoline cars — is about to become a platform plank in a certain kind of deeply dangerous liberal practicality. It is, among other things, now an official selling point for California’s power elite.

Meanwhile, ponder the manifold uber-Orwellian dimensions of the marketing campaign Druyan has allowed FCA to promulgate:

“To explore and cherish the only home we’ve ever known.” That, friends, is one of the taglines.

We could conduct a week-long workshop on the multiple perversities of just this single sentence.

So to Ann Druyan, TCT says it: For shame! You have managed to make turds fall out of Carl Sagan’s mouth.

Spike Lee Earns a Hicksie

Here at TCT, we occasionally bestow our widely un-coveted Golden Hicksie Award on highly deserving individuals and groups.

The GHA commemorates the late comedian Bill Hicks, who once said this:

“Here’s the deal folks: you do a commercial, you’re off the artistic roll call forever. End of story, OK? You’re another corporate fucking shill, you’re another whore at the capitalist gang-bang. And if you do a commercial, there’s a price on your head, everything you say is suspect, and every word that comes out of your mouth is now like a turd falling into my drink.”

Bill Hicks, 1961-1994

The newest GHA recipient is the one-and-only Spike Lee, who is apparently now making mega-commercials for no less a sociopathic, ecocidal, petty-bourgeois thing than the Cadillac Escalade.

Automotive News reports:

Spike Lee is slated to introduce the redesigned Cadillac Escalade during Oscars week in Hollywood next month with the premiere of his latest short film centered on the fifth generation of the Cadillac flagship.

The Oscar-winning actor, producer and director’s film — called “Anthem” — highlights the innovation of the 2021 Escalade with a filming technique that heightens the sense of motion for viewers, according to a Cadillac statement. The film will be shown at the Escalade reveal Feb. 4.

Due to its special achievements in the area of assisting TPTB with courting carmageddon, Mr. Lee’s GHA is being co-awarded by TCT and our sister site, Death by Car.

Mr. Lee has this astounding bit to say about his shameless, needless greed:

“I’m honored to be part of the next generation of the Escalade, which embodies style, luxury and prestige conveyed without pretension.”

Notwithstanding this claim, here is the main selling point for this monster, according to your friend and mine, the General Motors corporation:

Among the features the sweeping film highlights is the new Escalade’s industry-first curved OLED screen technology, which offers bold imagery, perfect blacks and the largest color range of any automotive display in production today.

For those keeping track, that’s a brag about a new-and-improved TV in the car. You know, “innovation.”

Lee, of course, has long sold his skills and reputation to corporate marketers. This newest project, though, is truly Hicksie-worthy.

He’s gotta have it.

Hicksie-Palooza

The Super Bowl’s extra-lucrative marketing flow always lures forth some deserving new recipients of the much-uncoveted Golden Hicksie.

2019 will apparently be no disappointment.

Behold the forthcoming SB ad for one of AnheuserBuschInBev‘s wares:

Could anybody cram more iconic mediocrities into one small frame? Jeff Bridges and Sarah-Jessica Parker? The Coen Brothers? The post-feminism of Sex Man-Chasing in the City? The sleep-inducing bore who is the Big Little Lebowski? Stella Artois beer?

Golden Hicksies all around! Shame on all these rich, over-rated people and things. May Bill Hicks’ immortal words haunt your nightly dreams.

Luke Wilson Sells Oligopoly Toothpaste

Luke Wilson image Actor Luke Wilson has an estimated net worth of $30 million. Nevertheless, for some reason, he will soon be fronting the Colgate-Palmolive corporation’s latest effort to use advertising to extend its oligopolistic market share: 42 percent of the global toothpaste market, according to its investor come-on webpage. With the help of fellows like Wilson, C-P uses its power to hawk over-priced, over-hyped, possibly harmful forms of old-tech commodities that long ago hit their right walls of objective improveability.

turd-trophyFor this ignoble move, Mr. Wilson hereby receives the highly un-coveted Golden Hicksie.

Colgate-Palmolive? Their gross profit margins on their employment of Mr. Wilson and many other, rather less well-remunerated persons?

60 percent.

An Especially Disappointing Golden Hicksie

Stephen Hawking undoubtedly knows better:

If machines produce everything we need, the outcome will depend on how things are distributed. Everyone can enjoy a life of luxurious leisure if the machine-produced wealth is shared, or most people can end up miserably poor if the machine-owners successfully lobby against wealth redistribution. So far, the trend seems to be toward the second option, with technology driving ever-increasing inequality.

So, what in the universe is he doing here?:

Not only is this an ad for the machine that is, barring sharp and unlikely new forms of popular education and intervention, virtually certain to finish completing “the second option,” but it is for an “SUV” version of said machine.

So, alas, Professor Hawking, to go along with your Lucasian Chair, etc., you hereby receive the un-coveted Golden Hicksie.

Meanwhile, the ad itself is a rather pristine exhibition of the profound adolescence of the contemporary overclass mind:

“Have you ever noticed how some people in life seem to get away with everything?”

and

“We live our lives from an elevated perspective. We keep our head [is this a British sic, or a grammatical match with the time-honored royal we?*] in the clouds.”

Wow.

*Either way, it’s funny.