Hicksie-Palooza

The Super Bowl’s extra-lucrative marketing flow always lures forth some deserving new recipients of the much-uncoveted Golden Hicksie.

2019 will apparently be no disappointment.

Behold the forthcoming SB ad for one of AnheuserBuschInBev‘s wares:

Could anybody cram more iconic mediocrities into one small frame? Jeff Bridges and Sarah-Jessica Parker? The Coen Brothers? The post-feminism of Sex Man-Chasing in the City? The sleep-inducing bore who is the Big Little Lebowski? Stella Artois beer?

Golden Hicksies all around! Shame on all these rich, over-rated people and things. May Bill Hicks’ immortal words haunt your nightly dreams.

Luke Wilson Sells Oligopoly Toothpaste

Luke Wilson image Actor Luke Wilson has an estimated net worth of $30 million. Nevertheless, for some reason, he will soon be fronting the Colgate-Palmolive corporation’s latest effort to use advertising to extend its oligopolistic market share: 42 percent of the global toothpaste market, according to its investor come-on webpage. With the help of fellows like Wilson, C-P uses its power to hawk over-priced, over-hyped, possibly harmful forms of old-tech commodities that long ago hit their right walls of objective improveability.

turd-trophyFor this ignoble move, Mr. Wilson hereby receives the highly un-coveted Golden Hicksie.

Colgate-Palmolive? Their gross profit margins on their employment of Mr. Wilson and many other, rather less well-remunerated persons?

60 percent.

An Especially Disappointing Golden Hicksie

Stephen Hawking undoubtedly knows better:

If machines produce everything we need, the outcome will depend on how things are distributed. Everyone can enjoy a life of luxurious leisure if the machine-produced wealth is shared, or most people can end up miserably poor if the machine-owners successfully lobby against wealth redistribution. So far, the trend seems to be toward the second option, with technology driving ever-increasing inequality.

So, what in the universe is he doing here?:

Not only is this an ad for the machine that is, barring sharp and unlikely new forms of popular education and intervention, virtually certain to finish completing “the second option,” but it is for an “SUV” version of said machine.

So, alas, Professor Hawking, to go along with your Lucasian Chair, etc., you hereby receive the un-coveted Golden Hicksie.

Meanwhile, the ad itself is a rather pristine exhibition of the profound adolescence of the contemporary overclass mind:

“Have you ever noticed how some people in life seem to get away with everything?”

and

“We live our lives from an elevated perspective. We keep our head [is this a British sic, or a grammatical match with the time-honored royal we?*] in the clouds.”

Wow.

*Either way, it’s funny.